Each day I get a quote delivered to my email. This was the quote one day last week:
"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Walter Anderson (1903-1965); American Artist
I happened to be sitting in a session at a conference when I read the quote. I'm not going to comment on WHY I was reading my email during the session or HOW I proceeded to write this post using a pen and paper (you can come to your own conclusions). And this is what I was thinking about.
If I'm to be honest with myself, I don't want to be doing what I'm doing anymore. What do I want to do, you ask. I don't know. Here's what I do know.
I am at a crossroads. I want a change and I am working through what that means.
To do that I am meditating with
Oprah and Deepak. Don't laugh. I have always enjoyed meditating but I find it hard to do without guidance. Several years ago, I was in a group with some friends, one who led us through guided meditation and spiritual work. I loved those evenings in her cozy apartment with a working fireplace (yep, that's right, working fireplace in Hells Kitchen). I haven't done much meditating since. Last summer, while on maternity leave, Deepak hosted a 21-day challenge and I tried again, holding my daughter in a dark room. It was lovely. When the new meditation challenge was announced, I was on board. I'm slightly behind everyone else, but I'm there. I'm doing it.
I've been inspired by
Brene Brown. I decided to read
The Gifts of Imperfection after seeing it listed on a blog. At that point, I realized I had seen her TED Talks on
vulnerability and
shame. I love her! I want to be authentic. I want my daughter to experience life in this way. And it means that I need to change what it is I
do in my life.
I started a support group for a lack of a better term. Given all the talk about
leaning in, I wanted to gather friends who are working through the same challenges as me. We post inspirations, quotes, and articles to help keep the momentum going. To keep us all moving forward.
And I'm writing. Enough said.
So what are my next steps? Well, I have to figure out what it means to change. Does it mean to quit my job so I can focus on my
other ideas? Perhaps. And that would be a big change. Or perhaps it means connecting friends each week. Last week I saw former co-workers, my best friend, a former intern, and tons of colleagues. This week I've had lunch with fellow co-worker moms and drinks with a friend. In reconnecting with so many friends, I've been inspired. I feel alive again. I feel closer to fine - well maybe just closer to me.
